Survivor’s guilt, there is no other word to describe it.
It hurts in the stomach, the shame of living whereas all my friends and fleetmates died in glorious combat. Where was I when it happened? Fast asleep.
But lets start at the beginning.
Our C5 crew is developing a notoriety for bashful combat and seeking out big fights. They win, they lose but they never back down which is what EVE is all about. I flew with them a few times and its always a blast, they know what they are doing. And when the jabber and forum pings came up yesterday that they needed assistance, I only thought which ship to bring, not whether to go.
Edit: I just realized that this was post number 100. Hooray!
When I log into the game now, I get greeted by our recruits with friendly but persistent hackling about my accidental shootout with TXG Sync – one of our newer pilots. He is an awesome guy, great pilot and has not succumbed to bitter vet status. Neither have I. When does that start btw, is that like midlife crisis?
A couple of weeks ago, Oreb Wing commented on this blog on the merits of joining Faction Warfare – FW – for plex and glory. Oreb and I flew before in Z3R0 Return Mining (C4) and he has been subject of one of my slightly more introspective posts. So when he recommended to come out and fly with the militia, I did not hesitate. I always wanted to know about FW which struck me as the smartest non-sovereignty PvP mechanism in the game. It promised good fights in cheap ships with the added advantage that I can stay fairly independent. No CTAs, no corporate doctrines etc. Just join the militia, get some frigates and off I go. But you fight for a reason. And thats the difference.