A Series of Fortunate Events

As my remaining two readers know, I spend my EVE life in Wormhole space, flying with Anomalous Existence (NOMEX) based out of a C2 hole.  However fun this is, between real life job(s), family and other stuff I barely can make 2 hour / week piloting work and consequently lost much of the “edge” that I used to have may have had .  Basically, I screw up a lot these days and while this is humorous occasionally and solo, in fleet operations it can put the whole fleet at risk.  And here follows the tale of the screw-ups that nearly ended badly:

Big picture. NOMEX lives in a C2 but had reasons to make an Astrahus in a C5 go away.  I have no idea why, don’t ask, don’t want to know but I like explosions, so of course I volunteer. As usual, the fleet combo is something like DPS+Scout+Logi and my always preferred roles for “Scout” were already taken.  The DPS fleet ships into “Leshaks”, these newfangled ships for which I have so far been too arrogant to train for and that leaves me with flying Logistics.  Actually, that works, I am reasonably confident that I know what I am doing and I certainly could use the practice.  But wait!  Why use a standard corp-approved Guardian if I could make things far more complicated and fly a T3 Cruiser?  Logi-Proteus is a “thing” these days, I already have a hull. Its expensive, risky and unnecessary, just what my corp didn’t ask for but the FC grudgingly approves. Someone smarter than me gives me a fit and I head to Jita with a song on my lips.  This is what I buy:

[Proteus, Old School]
Damage Control II
Capacitor Power Relay II
Imperial Navy Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane
Imperial Navy Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane
Corpus B-Type Armor Explosive Hardener
Imperial Navy 1600mm Steel Plates

Sensor Booster II
Cap Recharger II
Federation Navy 10MN Afterburner
Republic Fleet Medium Cap Battery

Armor Command Burst II
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Centum A-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer

Medium Trimark Armor Pump II
Medium Trimark Armor Pump II
Medium Trimark Armor Pump II

Proteus Core – Augmented Fusion Reactor
Proteus Defensive – Augmented Plating
Proteus Offensive – Support Processor
Proteus Propulsion – Localized Injectors
Hammerhead II x5
Hornet EC-300 x5

ECCM Script x1
Targeting Range Script x1
Armor Energizing Charge x5000
Rapid Repair Charge x5975
Armor Reinforcement Charge x4979
Scan Resolution Script x1
Sisters Combat Scanner Probe x8
Sisters Core Scanner Probe x16
Nanite Repair Paste x250
Sisters Expanded Probe Launcher x1

Pretty, eh?  It even has a handle!

Why sure this is a fine boat! It has 100k EHP, very good resistance and its Proteus.  Whats not to like?   I shall be useful to my fleet!

We are starting to shoot at the target Astrahus and have a lot of DPS and “real” Logistics on grid.  Because I can’t transfer capacitor, I am kicked out of the “cap chain” and feel entirely useless.  I let off the occasional repair to make myself feel useful and wanted but I am neither and know it.  The Astrahus goes into Armor within minutes and my role here is done.

But wait!  I cleverly brought in a covert operations subsystem.  I can fit that, fit a probe launcher.  The days between now and when the final timer starts, I can scout!  OMG, I am so smart.  Decades of experience finally pay off.  Attention Newbs: Watch me and learn.

Something like this:

[Proteus, Old School]
Damage Control II
Capacitor Power Relay II
Imperial Navy Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane
Imperial Navy Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane
Corpus B-Type Armor Explosive Hardener

Sensor Booster II
Cap Recharger II
Federation Navy 10MN Afterburner
Republic Fleet Medium Cap Battery

Covert Ops Cloaking Device II
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Centum A-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Corelum B-Type Medium Remote Armor Repairer
Sisters Expanded Probe Launcher

Medium Trimark Armor Pump II
Medium Trimark Armor Pump II
Medium Trimark Armor Pump II

Proteus Core – Augmented Fusion Reactor
Proteus Defensive – Covert Reconfiguration
Proteus Offensive – Support Processor
Proteus Propulsion – Localized Injectors
Hammerhead II x5
Hornet EC-300 x5

ECCM Script x1
Targeting Range Script x1
Armor Energizing Charge x5000
Rapid Repair Charge x5975
Armor Reinforcement Charge x4979
Scan Resolution Script x1
Sisters Combat Scanner Probe x8
Sisters Core Scanner Probe x16
Nanite Repair Paste x250
Armor Command Burst II x1

 

I am so full of myself while I launch my mobile depot, brag on comms about my overall amazingness that I don’t realize that I forgot my Covert Operations Cloak in Jita.  Yep.  None in my cargo hold.  I sit next to my Mobile Depot like a complete dumbass.  I could “lie” to my corp now, right?  Keep bragging, log off, hide somewhere?  But no, I can’t scout without a cloak and they would rely on me.  I admit my mistake.  And to their credit, they laugh but hey, we have all done stupid shit like this.  Once.  Once is allowed.

A sig pops.  People faster than me (=most people) scan it down and its a Wormhole.  Not only that, its a direct Wormhole to High Sec.  Not only that, its a direct Wormhole to High sec 3 jumps from Jita.  “Go get your cloak you idiot” someone needlessly tells me on comms while I am already in warp.  I can fix this!

I race to Jita and throw a cloak into the trunk.  But wait, the Astrahus is in armor, they need me more as scout.  I quickly apply my EVE magic (honed through decades of experience) and fit into my cloaked setup before undocking and burning back to our target.  I am cloaked, I am smart, I am handsome and I am useful.  No reason to be shy on comms, I am really, really good at this game.

Real life drops on me like a wet sack of month-old pond scum and I know I won’t be able to really scout until the structure timer.  For a few days, I revel in the knowledge that I can log in, scout, bring valuable intel, then refit (sleigh of hand!) and save our entire fleet single handedly as invaluable Logistics pilot.  Nothing to worry about guys, I got this.

The timer rolls around and I roll out of bed.  Sleepy, I stagger to the PC, log in and do an Intel pass.  My corp mates log in, sigs all scanned down, no sign of hostiles.  Coffee.  The timer ticks down.  Nearly there.  Fleet forms up, Logi is counted.  Proudly my “x” goes up.

I launch my mobile depot, rummage in the trunk and refit my boat.  Am about to close up when I notice that I have <40k EHP.  Oh, I forgot to put the plate in, haha.  Lets just put the plate in.  “Imperial Navy 1600mm Steel”. Where is it?  Not in the cargo hold.

Cold sweat breaks out.

I forgot that plate in Jita.

The Astrahus timer is down, my corp is light on Logi.  They are waiting for me to warp in and repair things.  Instead of 100k EHP, I have 40.  Yeah, I’d be a smear on the windscreen of that that Astrahus if they target me and a burden to my fellow Logi pilots.  I own up to my stupid but we are on battlecoms, the fleet is in warp.  They will have just “do without me”.  I curse myself and my arrogance but that’s not going to help the fleet.  Someone offers me a spare Guardian. I quickly check.

Fuuuuck.  This is my alt. My main character has Logistics Cruiser 5 or 6 or 10 or whatever is max.  I sort of had assumed that I trained my support character into a support ship.  Damn it!

My fleet is getting hammered.  I have eyes from a safe perch and feel absolutely lousy.  The Logi wing is holding but just.  With one more Guardian, they would have no issues and I tempted to just go down there and suicide myself to get at least one rep off.  But heroics may be satisfying personally, they are not “teamwork”. No, at least I can scout here, so I zoom around looking for anything hostile. Nothing.

I resign myself to be 100% useless weight in this operation and decide that from now on, I will fly only DPS ships that are corp approved.  I will stop drinking, get more exercise and even mine if my corp asks me to do this.  Yes, this is how dejected I feel.  I pledge to Bob the Almighty God of Wormholes to be a Better Man if he gives me one more chance.

And Bob Listened.

Another corp mate logs in and offers me a spare bomber. I grab it out of his hands, jam my pod into it and warp on top of that damn Astrahus.  Oh, the sweet “swoosh” of torpedoes ejecting from launchers.  Bliss. True, Bliss.  Bob be praised.

The ‘hus goes down, our Logi wing held without me and I am on the killmail. A series of fortunate events covered up for my arrogance and I am thoroughly reduced to size.  I sneak into Jita, pick up my missing plate and head to our home hole in my Covert Logi Configuration.

Because a refitted T3D T3C (edit “numpty”)in capable and experienced hands can be amazingly useful in complicated deployments.  Just the kind of mission, quest, thing I have perfect skills and experience in.   I am so smart.  Watch me!